A Modern Re-Telling of a Classic Parable

Those who told me I shouldst have become a preacher may now have second thoughts:

For the economy is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.

And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.

Then he that had received the five talents went and traded in chariot manufacturing stocks and moreover short sold them. And behold, the chariot manufacturing industry fell, and great was the fall of it.

And likewise he that had received two, invested with the bankers, such that his lord might have his own with usury. But the bank did fall, and great was the fall of it.

But he that had received one went and hid his lord’s money under a mattress.

After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.

And so he that had received five talents came saying, “Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I short sold chariot manufacturing stock. Thy money is gone and thou art further indebted an hundred talents.”

His lord answered and said unto him, “Thou wicked and slothful servant, Thou oughtest not to have put my money into the stock market, for it is as gambling.”

He also that had received two talents came and said, “Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I invested with the bankers but they did collapse and lo, thy money is gone.”

His lord answered and said unto him, “Thou wicked and slothful servant, Thou oughtest not to have put my money to the bankers, for the rich men thereof are full of violence, and the inhabitants thereof have spoken lies, and their tongue is deceitful in their mouth.”

Then he which had received the one talent came and said, “Lord, I knew these were hard times and I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent under a mattress: lo, there thou hast that is thine.”

His lord saith unto him, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.

And cast ye the unprofitable servants into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”