I May Yet Become Afflicted With Triskaidekaphobia

This is too weird. After looking at today's date for my Conrad Black sentencing spoof, I checked my first blog in this series. All those references to the number 13. And today is the 13th. A coincidence, or stranger than fiction?

Where's a sound clip from the Twilight Zone theme when you need one?

It's just this spooky.

Less Than a Sentence But More Than a Word

Well, I won the Conrad Black sentencing bet with my ultra-conservative friend but I doubt I will ever collect my fifty bucks seeing as how the guy can't even pay his rent. Black was given 6 1/2 years jail time and if he's not successful at appeal, he'll have to serve at least 5 years and six months of that. His judge ordered him to report to jail next March 3rd and many experts think that he'll be incarcerated at that time regardless of his appeal status.

In all likelihood, it will be easy time for the British noble, but it will no doubt be starkly different from the lifestyle he's accustomed to. Now, I've been wondering if Conrad will agonize over what his final dinner before jail should consist of given that he won't be sampling haute cuisine for quite some time.

Never fear, Your Lordship, I've put it all together for you. All you have to do is place your order (I'd do it soon) and have your personal chef assemble it at your Palm Beach mansion. And, since your daughter Alana has been by your side throughout your ordeal, you should invite her to partake along with your wife.

Conrad's Before-Jail Dinner

We start off with a fine champagne. But not the pedestrian ones. Dom Perignon is such a cliche and Cristal is so Red Lobster. Only James Bond drinks Bollinger. I suggest Perrier-Jouêt at $1800 a bottle (all prices in US$).

This is accompanied by Iranian Beluga caviar, which is $45,000 a kilogram but that's a lots of fish eggs for a single sitting. A 250 gram tin ought to suffice.

My favourite appetizer has always been escargots, but I no longer fancy them in the shells. Try to get them served in timbales with puff pastry, truffles and a splash of Pernod.

I selected a Poully-Fuissé for the snails but don't be put off by the cheap-sounding price of $200 a bottle. It's a really nice white wine.

For the main course, what could be more memorable than Canard à la Presse (pressed duck) from the celebrated Tour d'Argent in Paris. When the dish was invented, the maitre d'hotel started a tradition. Each duck has been assigned a number and a certificate presented to the diner. In the visitors' book of famous ducks, number 328 was served to King Edward VII in 1890, number 40,312 to King Alfonso XIII in 1914, number 53,211 to the Emperor Hiro Hito in 1921 and number 938,451 to President Mikhail Gorbachev. What will be yours I wonder?

I chose a full-bodied red wine for this course, a 1987 Romanée-Conti. Here is its description:

This French red Burgundy smells of berries, spices and leather. Dark in color, it hints at flavors of soy sauce, flowers and licorice. The aroma is rich and penetrating without being too profound. The Romanée-Conti is a rare wine that has carved a niche for itself along the years. At $1750 a bottle, it no longer has anything to prove.

For dessert let's go with a chocolate mousse by the Knipschildt Chocolatier of Connecticut. Their chocolate is $2600 a pound and you have to order in advance.

To cap everything off, how about a snifter of Hennessey Timeless cognac which wine connaiseur Tony Aspler describes as "wonderful." A 750 ml bottle is $5000.

Sure hope you enjoy this meal, Your Lordship. I look forward to seeing your comments posted here next March. But do it before you surrender - I don't think they'll let you take your computer.

Birthdays and Memories

Today I observe another birthday but it's not one marked by the usual frivolity and light-hearted merriment. Instead, my thoughts are filled with the memory of someone who will never celebrate another birthday.

A week ago today, the wife of a good friend and fraternity brother was killed in a car accident during a winter storm. I waited a couple of days to phone my friend and I couldn't come up with any words that seemed appropriate. So we both cried. And this was difficult because my friend has always been one to crack unending jokes, heavy on the sarcasm and loath to take anything seriously.

The funeral was yesterday, and I fully intended to make the 1 1/2 hour drive but the weather reports of snow squalls and whiteouts gave me pause and in the end I decided not to venture out. It was an agonizing decision, and I hope my friend understands.

I can only hope that time is the great healer it is touted to be.